Life is extremely unexpected sometimes. We think everything is going to work out in a specific way, but then Heavenly Father intervenes with some sort of lesson we need to learn. When I met with the Stake President I thought he would submit my papers and I would get my call the next week. That was October 14th and it is December 5th so you can see that things didnt go as planned.
I met with the Stake President and things went great. I told him I knew that I would struggle with companions and that I was working on forgetting myself and serving others. I have a lot of quirks that I need to overcome and the last thing I want is to be another companion's trial. I left our meeting thinking everything was how it should be. That was until the Executive Secretary called me a week later telling me my papers weren't submitted and that the Stake President wanted to meet with me again. Like any other over-thinking girl I jumped to the worst conclusion; he was going to tell me I couldn't go on a mission. This thought tormented me for two days as I waited to meet with him again. I wasn't just tormented, but also frustrated that my papers weren't in and I was not as close to getting my call as I thought I had been.
Our second meeting was not as dramatic as I had imagined, but it was not satisfying my need to control my life either. He told me he wanted me to get a pre-missionary evaluation because he noticed some patterns in my behavior that exposed my OCD side. He wanted to make sure I could handle a mission, at least that was what I understood as what he wanted me to learn. I called the counseling center the next day, and they told me there was at least a week wait. I tried everything I could to get an earlier counseling session, but alas Heavenly Father had other plans. I waited a week and a half to get in, so when I finally got a session I was extremely relieved. I still thought things would work out in some form how I wanted them to: after meeting the counselor he would tell my Stake President I was fine and my papers would be submitted. That, however, did not happen either. I went to the counselor, but instead of telling me I was fine I felt like he was telling me there was something wrong with me. Everything he said sounded like all the qualities I had considered strengths were actually weaknesses, which made me feel attacked. The counselor told me he would need to meet with me at least one more time so that he could figure out what it was exactly that the Stake President wanted. I would have to wait another week. I left his office and went to the temple feeling lost and frustrated, and not at all as excited about receiving my call.
There are pivotal moments in our life, where we gain understanding that somehow eluded us before. As I stood by the temple looking up at the windows, I realized that I wasnt being picked on. Everyone has strengths that others consider weaknesses, and my personality may completely clash with one of my future companions. This wasn't about me, but about furthering His work, which may be interrupted if I do not know how to handle myself around a companion I clash with. I needed to understand that none of this is about me or how I see things. If I am going to be a successful missionary I need to completely forget about my selfish desires and my quirks so that I may focus on spreading the gospel. (Total wait so far = 2.5 weeks). I will continue this later.