MTC: Week 3

First of all I will probably get my visa on time (if not around the time I will leave). We got fingerprinted yesterday to prepare for the Argentinian Consulate meeting next week. It is going to happen on my p-day so I probably wont email at the same time and I will have to do my laundry at another time. The district that is soon leaving might have to wait for another week or so; we dont know what will happen, but they get to go to Salt Lake next week instead meeting here at the MTC.

We had another district leave this past week, which was pretty exciting but also really nerve wrecking to think that we will be in the same position in three weeks. The district that came in last week is all going to Chile which is pretty exciting. I've gotten to know the guys in that district really well and one of them is like my little brother. I will find some way to adopt him into our family :). They are all pretty sassy but it is fun to play volleyball with them. We have another district coming in today that is all going to Utah.

I'm going to mention a few other random things before I get into the amazing spiritual experiences of this week, k? Ok. Coming into the MTC I was sick for the first couple days and then got over it and now I have a stupid runny nose all the time. A couple times I have forgotten tissues in meetings and I felt like my shirt was going to start looking like snot. Not that that is a good mental picture I just wanted to convey how miserable I was in those few moments. Mom, I forgot to send you my tithing in my last letter! Sorry about that. It will come soon. Also, THANK YOU FOR THE PACKAGE!!!! It was wonderful and I ate my companion's jellybeans before I read that the other bag was for her, so I just gave her the rest of the candy. :D

So Hermana Patterson left to Costa Rica yesterday morning at 3 a.m. which was bittersweet. I'm excited for her to go out and serve but it was nice seeing Lexi everywhere and sharing this experience with her. I love her so much, but she is going to convert the world so I should support her!

Now to the point you have all been waiting for! Well it is the point that I have been waiting for because the spiritual experiences are great for me to review. So last week I was struggling to feel the spirit. I had felt it in all of the lessons but I felt like something was off. I felt like Hermana Canada (I never said her real name which is Chelsea Ernhofer- weird to think of her as anyone but Canada) needed to have a companionship inventory but we were so busy all the time I didnt know how to approach that situation. We were getting along fine, I just felt like we were on different pages. One day last week it blew up in our faces and we had an hour and a half long companionship inventory. We laid everything out on the table and for the first time in a week I felt the spirit overwhelm me and comfort me. We talked about everything that had been going on between us and within ourselves. It was really hard but also really great. Our lesson was right after that and it went beautifully. There are always places we can improve, but at that point we followed the spirit and taught with unity. The companionship inventory we had was spur of the moment in the hall outside our classroom so when people left for dinner and came back for dinner they say me crying. Wonderful. I didnt even notice the people passing until Canada asked if I wanted to move. After our lesson with our investigator the zone leaders called Canada and I into the other room with one of the other girl companionships. They gave me and another girl a blessing which was one of the greatest experiences of my life! 6 Elders holding the magnificent priesthood all placed their hands upon my head to give me a blessing of comfort. It was one of the many blessings and miracles I have witnessed already. It was exactly what I needed and Heavenly Father knew it.

I also had an amazing experience when Sheri Dew spoke last Sunday. She gave the most amazing devotional and it blew my mind. She became my favorite person in that moment. She reminds me a lot of my teacher Sister McManus at BYU-I and I think they would be best friends if they knew one another. Anyway, she talked about 3 main ways Satan succeeds in driving us away from the gospel. He 1. tries to confuse us about who the savior is and what He has done, 2. tries to confuse us about who we are and what our purpose is, and 3. satan tries to confuse us on how we receive revelation or how Heavenly Father communicates with us. Those points were all great and I learned so much, but the one thing that really stood out to me was she said if we wanted to know what Heavenly Father thought of us we could just ask. That night I did and I have no idea how to explain in words what happened, but He answered me in a very personal way. I know that my Redeemer lives! He loves us and wants us to succeed in this life. He continually teaches and humbles me as I am learning how to draw closure and rely on Him. The Book of Mormon is the word of God and I have the privelage to declare that to the world!

A couple days ago I heard myself speak in spanish and I broke down. It wasnt a normal breakdown where I cry and feel frustrated, it was "I am done." I felt so stupid and slow, which has NEVER happened to me with learning. I have always felt confident in my ability to understand and get good grades, but grades are not the determining factor of whether I pass or fail at the MTC or in life in general. I lost all motivation to learn spanish. I stopped praying in spanish and I havent really talked to Canada in spanish for a while. I needed to do something to change my attitude so I talked to one of my teachers (Hermano Clarke) about it. He had struggled with spanish and I figured if any of the teachers could shed light on what I needed to do it would be him. As we talked and then read, in Mosiah, about Alma and the people's burdens it occurred to me that Heavenly Father is not going to change anything for me. I will not change to english (which I wouldnt want anyway) and the only thing He can do is comfort me and make my burden feel light. As I was pondering on the fact that it wasnt the weight of my burden that was bothering me, it was the fact that I hated my burden, what would happen then? How would He help me with that? At that moment, I realized that He wasnt going to do anything. He told me that I was just going to have to get over it. I will have to swallow my pride and do what is necessary for me to continue on the right path. He is not only preparing me for my mission but also for the rest of my life.  In order to fulfill my greatest desire then I have to overcome this obstacle. I also learned that I am going through this so that I may be able to understand someone else's situation when the time comes and they feel stupid, but at the time that answer was not what I wanted to hear. Anyway, He is humbling me and I am learning to love it!

Hermana Allen

MTC: Week 2

Where to start?!

 

So the day after I sent that email I got some letters and it was exactly what I needed. I felt so loved. Just to remind everyone: I forgot to put my box # and my MTC address thing. My address is MTC Mailbox #40 and the next line is ARG-NEU 0423. I leave the MTC on April 23rd if my visa comes through but they have been having some problems with that so I doubt that will happen. Before I forget: Mom I need my waterbottle still. They gave me a container that filters water but it wont carry it (they say I CANNOT store water in there). I also need moleskin that I forgot to get from you, and no show socks! I need way more no show socks than I have and so I bought some nylon ones at the bookstore that I hate because they are a joke. Also: I forgot to pay tithing before I left! I havent had the chance to write anyone because we are only allowed to write letters on p-day and I have been trying to obey with exactness (SUPER HARD). I will write you today mom and either include the money for tithing or if you could just get it out of my account. So I know some people would like to donate to my mission but the bishop never told me how so Mom please ask the bishop how people donate to my mission fund.

 

I laughed at your email mom. The part where you were talking about having breakdowns when I get stressed: SO TRUE! I beat myself up alot when it comes to learning the language and teaching the gospel in that language. Heavenly Father has been putting me under a lot of pressure to help me grow and I can see a significant difference in myself and what I can handle. I have been reminded multiple times throughout the day that Heavenly Father is proud of me and what I am doing. This is where I'm supposed to be; my testimony has never been stronger and my conversion process is just that: a process. Our teachers are absolutely amazing and I'm so sad we dont get them for longer than 6 weeks. The first "investigator" we taught was named Hugo and we went through five lessons with him, but then he surprised us all and he turned out to be our teacher! That was a big surprise that we all enjoyed so now we have two teachers and a couple Zone Resource Teachers (ZRT) that help us a lot. I love being here and growing. I have learned about my talents and more about turning outward.

 

My companion and I are still really good together. We had a day last week where we were not on the same page and I couldnt figure out why. Neither of us could understand eachother and it just kept getting more and more frustrating as the day went on. That was one of the days I had a little breakdown because everything was so overwhelming. I didnt feel like I was progressing because everyone is learning what I already know and then I couldnt connect right with my companion. When I prayed that night I poured my heart out and for the first time listened to Heavenly Father with real intent. The second I climbed into bed after my prayer, the thought came to me that the only thing different we did that day was not wake up at 6 am to read scriptures together. I have been so blessed to receive revelation continually. We talked last week about the fact that every session in every single temple in the WORLD is praying for us. We have the prayers of millions and I do not look forward to the time when those prayers cease and I get released. I know there are many many many more trials to come that will put me through the fiery furnace but I'm beginning to appreciate those trials. I love doing HIS work and forgetting myself in the process. I love studying His gospel and strengthening my relationship with Him. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and has called me to invite others to come unto Christ and accept the love and blessings He wishes to bestow upon them.

 

The last thing I want to talk about is the biggest tender mercy I have received yet! I have to be quick because I am over my time but on P-days we get the chance to go do endowments at the Provo temple. Most people know how much I LOVE the temple and I have missed it so much since it have been a whole week since I had went last (this was last wednesday). As we were getting ready to go I couldnt find my temple recommend anywhere so I thought it was in my bag in our classroom (our classroom is on the fifth floor so it is the biggest PAIN to walk up those stairs all the time). We walked up the stairs and I still couldnt find my recommend which is when I prayed to be able to remember where I put it. When I finished praying I remembered that the last time I had it was when I switched bags with mom after we were done in the Salt Lake temple. I remembered distinctly that I thought I need to put my recommend somewhere so that I dont forget it but I didnt remember if I had done it or not. I had been looking forward to go to the temple ALL week so I tried to focus and think of where else it could be. I felt in my coat pocket and found it but I do not remember at all sticking it there. Even if I did, I know Heavenly Father was blessing me in that moment. I felt the spirit very prevelent in the temple that day and I am so grateful for that tender mercy. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Send me mail!!!! If you do not want to send me hand written please send me mail on dear elder. I dont have enough time to read email. My mailing address is updated on my blog: just click the picture that says "send me mail" and it will take you to the page that has everything. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!

 

Hermana Allen