Becoming a Life Coach

I have mentioned publicly a time or two on social media that I fell in love with a guy that I shouldn't have, but I've never gone into much depth about the issue because I was still healing, or I was scared about judgement, etc. The truth is, that one experience has placed me on the trajectory that I currently am, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that it happened. I am finally willing to be open and vulnerable about what I've learned and really how bad it had gotten, so that I could be where I am now.

First of all, let me start by explaining that for those of you who have known me for any length of time, I am very much like the character Joy from Inside Out.  

I have always had quite a bit of energy and excitement for life, even in difficult circumstances. Before this guy came along, however, I was incrementally getting unhappier all the time because I wasn't really honoring my personality or my gifts and talents. That incremental change was like the frog boiling in the pot by degrees, and I was allowing it to happen.

You know the feeling? The one where you think "how in the world did I let it get this far and allow myself to live like this"? That moment and the subsequent results of that moment are what I wish to talk about.

It was a while ago now, and I had emotionally hit rock bottom. I was working for a company where my boss constantly thought the worst of me and made me feel incompetent no matter how well I did or how hard I worked.

Suffice it to say, I hated my job, but I think we have all been there. This job wasn't even worth the effort I was putting in since I was on commission only and had neither time nor money freedom. I stayed there, however, because I had fallen in love with a guy with whom I worked. This situation was even worse, though, because this guy was married. We didn't ever do anything, but we did have an emotional affair, which was super damaging for everyone. It started when he was going to get a divorce, but then things changed and being as naive as I was at the time, I tried to stay friends with him when he decided to stay with his wife. I was too forgone emotionally to actually go back to being in a simple platonic working relationship with him, however, and he started treating me like garbage. He was emotionally abusive and for our entire "relationship" I felt like throwing up constantly because of my emotions. The thought of food or eating in general made me want to vomit, but I knew I needed to eat so I would force myself to eat something and then have to focus all of my attention on not throwing up for hours afterward. 

Health wise: I was sick, relationship wise: I was broken, vocation wise: I was unfulfilled and hated my job, and time and money freedom didn't really exist for me. I let myself go through this for MONTHS and MONTHS with moments of wishing I could just stop existing somehow because I didn't know what to do, where to go, or how to change. 

Then one day, the guy I was stupidly obsessed and depressed over, came into work after having a long weekend with his wife. He had surprised her for her thirtieth birthday with a vacation to California and was describing all the details of their trip with the beach and dinner and hotel, etc. He was describing how he had surprised her, enlisting the help of her sister and the place that she worked so she could have off work. He was describing it like they were this happy couple and I realized all the moments that we had, and how he said he felt, didn't matter. I realized I had allowed myself to be caught up in moments that may have been true but weren't going to change anything. I wasn't going to be able to just go back to feeling and thinking from before we started talking, and in this moment of realization I actually threw up. I had been emotionally sick for almost a year, but had never thrown up until that day. I called my sister explaining what happened and she asked me what I felt like I should do. In that moment, I made the decision to change my life. I was done doing this to myself and allowing my life and happiness to slip by. 

This was where I drew the line, but making that decision was suddenly the easy part. Fear and worry rose in me trying to remind me that I wasn't going to find the connection I had with him, and I didn't know how to move forward or what to do next. I had nothing to move toward, but I was determined to figure it out. 

I had conviction, and a courageous part of me that I let win over the part of me that was afraid. That part that I let win obviously had my best interest at heart despite how scared and unknown the future was. After that, I started diving deeper into psychology and understanding the universe, the law of attraction and manifestation, and I started to change a little bit at a time. Months of studying on my own, however, could only get me so far, and I still wasn't living a full life yet. I was learning and growing and trying to figure myself out, but it wasn't until I found the Dreambuilder Program and decided I wanted to be a life coach that my life really started to change and expand. I have studied and applied and reviewed different principles enough times to be able to teach it. Getting to this point has taken me so much effort but I really appreciated having a proven structure of support in a program that has been tried and tested for over 40 years. This system has made it so that I am living the life I am today. I am finally living my passion with a career that resonates and lights me on fire. I get to support people in building their dreams and overcoming the obstacles in their life, and I have deeper relationships with my family members. I have the time to spend with my family when and how I want, and I'm to the point where I not only love myself wholeheartedly, but I also truly LOVE my life.

How do we change?

We are temples, and as such, are trying to perfect ourselves. 

It has been a while since I've posted anything, and maybe you came here because you wanted to know what is happening to me in the United Kingdom right now. Well, I felt prompted to write about something else today so I'm only partially sorry to disappoint. I want to start off by saying I'm not writing this with the idea of "I'm so righteous," but rather with the idea that how I've passed through things that can help someone else. This is written for anyone who wants to draw nearer to Heavenly Father.

So often we know the things we should do. We know we need to read our scriptures, go to church, follow the commandments, etc, but what is holding us back from making that one major change (maybe multiple)? We could chalk it up to laziness, or even lack of desire, but I have come to understand that the reason we disobey is a lack of understanding. We can come up with a million excuses not to do something, but at the basic heart of the matter we don't understand why we need to do it. Maybe we understand it on an intellectual level, but the understanding I'm talking about is quite different. We may understand a commandment with our head, but still lack the understanding in our heart. 

It may seem like the next part of what I will talk about is a complete subject change, but ultimately changing our behavior deals with both understanding and desires.

I have dedicated a lot of my personal studies to learn about desires, which make us who we are. If we evaluate our desires, we will recognize there are different levels. We can have desires that are our ultimate ones: to have an eternal family, to be good people, etc, but these desires are very often overruled with out immediate ones: to yield to temptation (whatever our own temptation may be). So how do we change our desires? How do we figure out how to overcome those immediate desires? Now, what I'm about to say may seem pretty easy, but it does take constant and continual effort in the application. We may stumble and fall multiple times, but during those times it is important to remember we are like children learning to walk. Every time we fall, we learn, and the only determining factor is whether we get back up. The faster we get back up, the faster we overcome whatever we struggle with. 

We change our desires, and eventually the understanding is written upon our hearts, as we study and come to understand doctrine.

Now it is important that we understand what DOCTRINE is. In the church, we focus a lot on APPLICATION, and that will not really help anyone to change. For example, the law of chastity is greatly misunderstood. Between the following statements which is the doctrine of the law of chastity?

a) we need to be clean and pure in thought, deed, and action so that we can return worthy to the presence of our Father

b) not having sex before marriage, not viewing, reading, or listening to anything inappropriate (porn, graphic novels, etc)

c) using our desires, appetites, and passions within the bounds the Lord has set

Choose your answer!

Just kidding, it doesn't bother me whether or not you chose. 

If you said "A" you would be correct! The doctrine of the law of chastity is the "why" we do something. Until recently I thought that the doctrine was "C" but that is a principle of the law and "B" is an application. I hadn't read Teach Them to Understand in a while by Elder Bednar, and doing so helping me to switch the principle and doctrinal understanding. 

Now, regarding the desire to be obedient and change the understanding we have about the why (or the doctrine) I would suggest the talk The Will of the Father in All Things by Elder Holland. After that talk, I would suggest Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments by Elder Holland if your temptation regards the law of chastity. Even if you have read the talks before, I would invite you to do so again and focus on understanding both the principle and the doctrine. 

I can't imagine the struggle you must be going through, whether big or small, but I know that we were created to have joy. We are not meant to suffer, but we are meant to go through trials. We will come to experience joy in our trials if those trials do not come through our disobedience. My heart goes out to all those who feel like they are trapped in a hole and can't get out. The Lord extends his hands, but we must put forth the effort to grab those hands and wrench ourselves from misery. Wickedness never was happiness. I promise as you ponder and study with real intent to change, you will find joy in and see clearly your progression and comprehension. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know we all need to progress, but there is no reason we can't do it together!

Happy Holidays!!